Boris Johnson’s spine has announced this evening that it intends to enter the race to become leader of the Conservative party and therefore the Prime Minister. According to a passionate speech that it gave to a packed room at the Canary Wharf Hilton, it managed to escape serious injury after repeated stabbing attempts earlier this morning, and as a pro-BREXIT section of skeleton it feels that it has what it takes to go all the way. 

It said: ‘After it became obvious that I was surplus to requirements, I was inspired to throw my hat into the ring and try to finish what I started. During the referendum campaign, I had a far higher profile than the whole of Teresa May put together, and I have the ‘backing’ of a large number of Tory MPs. Michael Gove doesn’t worry me either – he will collapse under the weight of his own guilt soon enough.’

If Boris’ spine is successful in its leadership bid, it would only be the second time that a section of a human body has entered political office in the UK after Tony Blair’s nose snapped off shortly before the end of his time in 10 Downing Street.