Rows of angry taxi drivers have been reported at the ministers’ Brexit showdown talks at Chequers as none of the cabinet have managed to work out how to leave the room. 

A source said that the foreign secretary Boris Johnson has spent three hours trying to choose between the door marked ‘exit’ and a fireplace that is clearly ornamental.

He added, ‘It seems that everybody that wants to leave the room cannot figure out how, and the people who want to stay for a while and chat are being forced to step in and help the others to figure it all out.’

’The scene is hard to describe. Imagine the Pontipines from The Night Garden but with Axminster carpets.’

’Theresa May hasn’t been much help. She keeps telling them that they all have to just get out at any cost without actually providing any real leadership.’

’There was a bit of a laugh just now when Jeremy Hunt decided to use a window, forgetting that we are on the seventh floor.’