In an exclusive interview with the Southend News Network Chief Reporter, the Head of Aerial Tourism Engagement at Clacton Council has admitted that the town’s bosses have discovered a way to allow an air show to go ahead without being absolute d*cks about it. In a further shocking development, it has emerged that they are simply responding to the wishes of residents, tourists and local businesses. 

Clive Wingwalker said: ‘I am the first person to admit that there have been financial concerns over this year’s Airshow in August, but we overcame these at a high-level meeting a few months ago. We all spent a number of hours around the table with stakeholders from different walks of Clacton life, and the overall consensus was that we needed to come together and find a way to not all be a d*ck about it on an individual level. Once this had been agreed, we then took this motivation to collectively not be d*cks about the Clacton Airshow, and in an instant the event was back on. If we have learnt one major thing throughout this whole process, it is that we shouldn’t be d*cks about something that loads of people want.’

Local business owner Dave Blunt said: ‘I always sell a lot of food and drink when the Airshow crowds arrive, and so I am delighted that the 2016 Airshow planning process has been d*ck-free. Perhaps if it is a roaring success, future Clacton Airshows could be planned under this so-called ‘Zero D*ck Blueprint’ that seems to have worked so well up to now. I do feel sorry for the people of Southend, but clearly getting a mere 25,000 likes on the Official Save Southend Airshow Page meant that another 75,000 wanted it scrapped.’