Government officials in Southend have promised to crackdown on local buy and sell groups that allow their users to post with terrible spelling and grammar. This announcement comes after research has been published that bad grammar and spelling in buy and sell Facebook groups is costing the Southend economy more than £45m per year.

Professor Michael Pedant has been monitoring Southend buy and sell groups closely for the last 12 months as part of a taxpayer-funded research project, and his findings are a stern warning for the town. He said, ‘£45m in revenue is being lost in Southend every year because of people who are actively trying to destroy the English language – confusion about there, their and they’re is worth £5m annually alone. People get very cautious about making a purchase when they are reading this sort of linguistic butchery.’

Southend News Network sent a reporter in undercover to try and find out more about the problem, and after 15 seconds the extent of this crisis became clear. Local buy and sell group user Chloe Mummysexxxxy (we suspect that this may not be her real name) advertised a tub of SMA Stage 1 milk that has been open for six months with terrible spelling, and an argument quickly escalated with someone threating to ‘sort u good’ in Dick de Vignes nightclub, Southend.


We asked the Southend Small Business Alliance Group Partnership for a comment, and their spokesperson released the following statement:

The Southend Small Business Alliance Group Partnership is incredibly concerned about the recent report into spelling and grammar on local buying and selling Facebook groups. Southend has the largest concentration of Avon, Betterware, Kleeneze, Juiceplus, Juiceminus and other Stay At Home Mum business opportunity reps in Europe, and our research shows that good spelling would boost their ‘recruitment’ by 56% per year.

Therefore, in partnership with local government officials, we will be monitoring these groups closely over the next few months and distributing free dictionaries. For repeat offenders, we will have no choice but to go to court and have their Internet disconnected. If they are only using a smartphone to get online, this will be swapped for a Nokia 3210 with basic texting and Snake.

Behind closed doors, senior Southend politicians are considering a 3% Council Tax increase to cover the costs of a 35-strong team of online English teachers to patrol Southend Facebook groups.