A 76-year-old man has sadly died from shock after Southend United managed to win this evening. Against Sheffield United. Away from home. 3-0. 

Lifelong fan Bert Connery allegedly jumped up onto a coffee table while reading the result on CEEFAX, and fell back to the ground shortly afterwards. 

He leaves behind his coffee table and a collection of Southend-themed drinks coasters. 

Manager Phil Brown said: ‘The key to our success this evening was that our defenders defenced far better than in previous matches.’

‘When the midfielders feed the ball through to the attackers who manage to attack enough to score three goals without conceding any in reply, you know that you have a great chance of winning.’

‘We are saddened to hear of Mr Connery’s death, and everyone at the club wishes him a speedy recovery.’

‘His seat in the East Stand will be waiting for him. I’ve often noticed that the fans in there are quieter than the deceased anyway.’