In a shocking interview with Southend News Network, Manchester United manager and self-proclaimed ‘Special One’ Jose Mourinho has admitted that every single major managerial decision and outcome in his career has been based on simulations carried out in SENSIBLE SOCCER – he even has a specially maintained Amiga 500+ specifically for this purpose. 

He told our Chief Reporter: ‘This is why I have never lasted more than a few years at the same club without pissing off the chairman and getting sacked.’

‘Anyone who has taken control of a team in Sensible Soccer will know that the chairman is a fickle bastard who is kissing your feet one minute and then giving you three matches to turn things around the next.’

‘I have lost count of the number of ultimatums I have been given to clear my team’s overdraft as well. When I was at Chelsea, Drogba scored goal after goal with crazy amounts of after-touch and spin as this was the easiest skill to master.’

‘People have often wondered how Chelsea managed to sign so many players for silly amounts of money who would never actually play. Sensible Soccer made this possible – Dagenham and Redbridge could sign Lionel Messi if the offer was right.’

‘One of the highlights of my career was seeing a player score all the way from their own penalty box when the pitch was iced over, I think that may have been Gary Cahill.’

‘There were allegations on a number of occasions that I hacked into the game files and gave Arsène Wenger a massive afro – these are absolutely false. All I ever did was access Theo Walcott’s skill ratings and reduce his ‘balance’ and ‘ankle strength’ to zero.’