A spokesperson for Southend United has confirmed that the club’s new stadium at Fossetts Farm could be delayed for YEARS after investigators at the construction site discovered the remains of the Saxon King’s cousin Barry.
Just 48 hours after hoardings were erected to say that the new ground would be coming soon, a site investigator raised the alarm after using ultrasound equipment to spot what was described as a ‘makeshift tomb’ around ten feet below the surface.
When the ground was excavated accordingly, human remains were found, and archaeological experts from The Canewdon Institute have confirmed that the remains are of the Saxon King’s lesser-known cousin Barry The Ballsy.
Professor Eastwood Macdonagh of the institute told our Newsdesk that this discovery was ‘massive.’
He said: ‘When we originally uncovered the remains of the Saxon King near Priory Park, we also found documents that depicted a story of a family confrontation between the King and someone called ‘Barry.’
‘When we saw the line ‘I went for Barry’ we just assumed that he was describing a trip to the toilet, but now we know that he was talking about lunging towards him.’
‘Our next job is to find out how his remains have ended up over a mile away from the original dig site.’
‘We have asked Southend Borough Council to cease all road building applications in the town for the next 100 years as a precaution.’
In a further development, it has also emerged that a small section of the Fossetts Farm site is an ancient Native American burial ground.
Tribal expert Barrington Belgrave said: ‘Southend’s attempts to develop this land would have unleashed a number of spirits and curses.’
‘There have been times this season when the defence has been suffering from a supernatural paralysis, and this will only stop when plans to develop the site are abandoned.’