A number of Southend residents and regular tourists have admitted that they are ‘disgusted’ with the opening of a new ice cream shop on Southend Seafront that sells ‘speciality’ ice cream that is made from breast milk – the owner is excited at the prospect of bringing this Covent Garden-inspired food concept to Southend On Sea. Larry’s Lactation Station already has a number of other outlets around the United Kingdom, and the company’s founder Larry Mamm has decided that the town is the perfect location to open his next branch with the local economy being ‘welcoming of artisan and daring catering trends.’

Mr Mamm met with the Chief Reporter to explain his unique concept for ‘refreshing and eye-opening ice cream.’ He said: ‘As far as I am concerned, a soft-scoop cone with a brittle and boring chocolate flake clumsily inserted inside is old-fashioned and lazy. Some of these places are charging up to £3 a time for a large ’99’, and for that price I would expect it to be fed to me one nibble at a time by Holly Willoughby! Modern ice cream lovers are looking for something a little bit different and daring, and this is how the idea for Larry’s Lactation Station was created. We make more than 50 different flavours of both hard scoop and soft scoop ice cream, and every single one of them contains a healthy serving of breast milk that we guarantee has been taken from a willing volunteer in the Southend area. It makes the frozen dessert creamier than the creamiest products on the traditional ice cream circuit, and the health benefits are unbelievable to people of all ages – our main problem is the current snobbery that exists towards breast milk-based desserts.’

He continued: ‘Every branch of my ice cream shop benefits the local community enormously. Breast milk isn’t something that you can pick up over at the cash and carry, and so all of our outlets run a generous donation programme where local mums can sell any excess milk to provide a tax-free income. Lactating is also an incredibly effective way to burn calories, and we have already had more than 100 emails from local ‘yummy mummies’ who are super-keen to lose the baby weight and make some cash at the same time. I was attracted to Southend by a report about a local restaurant owner who charges £5 to mums who breastfeed in her buffet restaurant – I want the good people of the town to get behind my shop and let Natalia Reola know that breast is best!’