A spokesperson for 10 Downing Street has confirmed that Paul and Barry Chuckle have been appointed as joint Secretaries of State for Exiting The European Union.

The news comes after the resignation of David Davis from the role, who was criticised for making such little progress in the role that the UK’s negotiators in Brussels are still not allowed to access the fancy biscuit cupboard.

He said, ‘They bring a wealth of experience to the role, and the No Slacking guy will also be coming on board to ensure that things now move along at a brisk pace.’

’Their first job will be to sort out the Irish border issue and get it in place. They have their own unique way of making sure that things are put down exactly where they should be put down.’

In an interview with The Times, David Davis confirmed that he was unable to make progress in Brussels because he was ‘very, very drunk.’