A large number of people have come out this morning and said that they want their country back from another slightly larger group of people who also wanted their country back. According to a spokesperson for the group of people who now want their country back, a great deal of damage has been caused by the other marginally greater group of people who wanted their country back in the first place. 

Remain campaigner Felicity Quinoa said: ‘I can’t believe that calling people who wanted their country back a bunch of ‘illiterate, small-minded racists’ was going to have this outcome for all of us sensible human beings who now want our country back. At one stage, I did consider posting something other than uncensored and vicious slander on Facebook about people who wanted their country back, but a leaflet dropped through my door about how I was doing just fine by calling Nigel Farage everything from ‘Hitler’ to ‘one of the two blokes off The Muppets who sit in a theatre box and moan about everything.’ Can we have our country back now please?’

John Smith-George is a fishmonger or something from Southend On Sea, and he admitted that he was delighted that he has now taken his country back from people who will now also want their country back. He said: ‘This is a victory for everyone who wanted their country back. I would give a longer statement but I need to take a walk around my area and make sure that all of the immigants have been sent back so we can has our country back from the people who now want to take their country back from us.’