Commuters have reacted with outrage to the latest rail fare increases of around 1.1%, and this anger has grown further with the news that wholesale train travel prices have fallen throughout 2015. Cheap foreign imports of train travel have been blamed, along with instability in the Middle East and an excess of unmined choo under the North Sea.

Jeremy Pantograph of the UK Commuter Action Crusade said that this story is becoming more and more commonplace. He added: ‘In real terms, the global wholesale train travel price has actually decreased by £14 per barrel of choo from January to December of last year, and yet hard working people all over Britain are being hit where it hurts in the pocket. We import more than 150,000,000 tonnes of choo per year from China, and this is disrupting the whole market.’

There may however be some positive news on the horizon for British train users. The government has announced today that alongside their proposed house building programme, a multi-billion pound choo mine is being constructed in Hertfordshire that will replace Borehamwood entirely by 2019. Scientists from the University of Ebbsfleet are also reportedly ‘very close’ to developing a more environmentally friendly alternative to choo named ‘choo choo.’