After days of negotiations, Southend News Network can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that the upcoming EU Referendum on June 23rd has been sensationally scrapped in favour of David Cameron and Boris Johnson taking part in a televised MUD WRESTLING CONTEST. Tickets are already selling fast for the Wembley Arena spectacular due to take place on the same day, and both parties have agreed that the winner will represent the UK’s official decision about whether to stay or leave.

Fight promote Barry Baloney said: ‘It’s clear that these two goliaths were never going to be able to settle their differences with the ballot box, and now we have the fight that the whole world wants to see. This whole campaign has been all about slinging mud anyway, but now the Great British Public will be able to see them go at it hammer and tongs in the ultimate battle. The first fighter to get a 1-2-3 pin count will take the ultimate prize of delivering our decision to Brussels, and the stakes could not be higher. If you are not lucky enough to get a ticket for Brexit Brawl, Sky Box Office will have all of the action for just £19.99, and this includes the undercard fight between Noel Edmonds and Chris Tarrant with Tony Blackburn as Special Guest Referee.’

Mr Baloney added: ‘I am delighted that the contracts have finally been signed for this fight after the problems we experienced last year. Jeremy Corbyn and Andy Burnham were all set to do battle for the Labour leadership in Leftwing Mudfling at the MEN Arena, but a last-minute dispute over backstage catering meant that everything fell through.’