Bus users across South Essex have been expressing their delight after the major bus operators in the area decided to REVISE fares instead of INCREASING them. According to many regular commuters, this decision should lead to a fairer deal for all local passengers, and a number of petitions have already been launched to present multiple knighthoods to the region’s bus bosses for their contribution to a fairer and greener society.

Samuel Cheesenip is head of Southend Bus Passenger Action, and he said that the announcement was fantastic news for the people of Southend. He said: ‘While passengers feared that fares would be increased by the major bus companies, instead we have a far fairer situation where they have simply been revised upwards. Bus fares in Southend will now continue to provide excellent value for money, with most ticket prices also including a riveting conversation with someone drinking Special Brew from a Boots Pharmacy paper bag or overheard top-level profanities from children in uniform.’

David Parcours, 86, uses buses along the London Road every day to go shopping or visit friends. He said: ‘Although I travel free after 9am, I am delighted at the value for money that buses will provide for younger adults. Using buses in Southend is great fun, and I love flying down the aisles when I stand up 30 seconds before my stop and the driver punishes me by pressing the brake pedal as hard as they can – it reminds me of my crowdsurfing days in the 60’s.’

Passenger psychologist Marlon Shaft has been watching the situation closely. He said: ‘The bus companies have been kind enough to place a small sign in the front window of every bus, and it is the perfect size to only be visible for a few seconds. By the time that passengers have walked onboard and paid for their ticket, there is still a 90-second gap before they realise what the word ‘revised’ actually means.’