A kebab shop in Southend On Sea that has been dubbed the ‘Takeaway From Hell’ has avoided being closed down as it has emerged that there were ‘significant errors’ in the inspection process – a senior judge has ruled that these mistakes entitle them to continue trading for another 10 years.

Acting upon intelligence that had been gathered from surveillance, telephone monitoring and satellite imagery, armed health inspectors raided SS1 Kebabs in Victoria Road on November 1st. There was already ‘significant evidence’ to show that this kebab shop had been using ‘dog meat’ in their Mixed Doner Special, and samples were seized from both the shop and the owner’s flat which were rushed off to a local laboratory for express testing. Within 24 hours, the results were confirmed that one of the samples consisted 100% of ‘meat that originated from a dog,’ and officials acted quickly to close the premises and contact recent customers who had ordered the dish.

However, after further investigation in the days that followed, it has now emerged that there were serious errors in the inspection process that have been presented to a senior judge in the High Court of Essex. One of the armed health inspectors captured the owner’s Border Collie by accident in the upstairs flat and presented him to the laboratory for testing, where the ‘100% dog meat’ reading was obtained. It has now also emerged that the biological research staff didn’t notice that the sample of meat was panting excitedly and chasing the lab manager’s trousers. Bella, the 7 year old pooch, has now been returned unharmed.

Justice Baz Mojito, presiding over the appeal, also noted that the original complaint against the takeaway had been made by a neighbouring homeowner who was ‘sick and tired’ of getting leaflets from local fast food outlets. We cannot identify Mr Reginald Crump who made the original complaint for legal reasons, but he released a brief statement to Southend News Network to confirm that his ‘porch had collapsed on numerous occasions after receiving more than 500 menus per day.’

In his closing statement, Justice Mojito also pointed out that the ‘significant evidence’ of dog meat that had been obtained beforehand came from a customer of SS1 Kebabs who thought that his Mixed Doner Special was  ‘a bit doggy’ after leaving it uncovered in a cupboard for two weeks before eating. His summary concluded by confirming that the name ‘Takeaway From Hell’ had been given to the kebab shop by a journalist from Southend News Network.



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