With England about to play in a crunch World Cup semi-final against Croatia, a lot of supporters have been wondering why they should hate this nation that used to be a part of Yugoslavia.

It was a lot easier for the lazy patriot when we played Sweden in the last round, although we were shocked to see some people actually pay attention to our reasons to hate IKEA and proceed to trash one of their stores.

However, after some careful research, we present to you a few pointers about haphazardly loathing Croatia.

Everyone sounds like a 1990’s war criminal

Have you noticed how many of these bastards that were hauled into The Hague had ‘ic’ at the end of their name? Plenty of their footballers have the same two letters in their name. Other than Davor Šuker. No idea what happened with him. That ‘S’ with the funny hat is a bugger to type on a Mac as well.

Adrian Chiles

He has Croatian blood. No idea why I have included him – he’s quite nice really.

Goran Ivanišević

Tim Henman’s best-ever chance to get into a Wimbledon final, ‘Tiger’ is wiping the floor with him, and this bastard makes it rain. We all know that the covers come on if someone in the audience so much as utters the word ‘rain,’ and the resulting overnight delay allowed Ivanišević to regenerate as some sort of Tennis demon.

Mark Bosnich

So you’re going to do a Nazi salute at a Premier League football ground. Better choose carefully. What exactly went through this Socceroo’s mind when he thought, ‘I know, I’ll do it at White Hart Lane, the English team that is famous for having an incredibly large Jewish following. Sniff.’

The country’s name as ‘Asia’ in it

As if this isn’t bad enough, it has the word ‘Crow’ too which is well racist.