A source has confirmed to Southend News Network that West Ham United have been sold to a Welsh businessman who plans to relocate the club to North Wales in 2021.

We can exclusively reveal that the billionaire Peter Penton, owner of Pwllheli Plastics and Portaloos has paid around £700m for the East London club, and he is currently in the final stages of negotiations to build a new stadium on the outskirts of Pwllheli in the quiet village of Machturbo.

Our source added, ‘North Wales has been crying out for Premier League football for a number of years, and Mr Penton expects the deal and relocation to be a formality.’

‘After all, Wimbledon were allowed to move home and become the MK Dons, so it is reasonable to believe that the Football Association will allow West Ham United to move to North Wales and rebrand themselves as Pobol Y Hammers FC – a real community club for the people.’

‘Cardiff and Swansea have never really set the Premier League alight, so it’s time for someone else to have a go.’

The West Ham Association National Club has said that the move will be ‘interesting.’

Their spokesperson Arthur Sweep said, ‘Anything has to be better than this soulless fishbowl where we are council tenants at the moment.’

‘We’re not even allowed to decorate the walls, and Welsh isn’t too difficult.’

‘I’ve already learnt ‘Enillwyd Cwpan y Byd ym 1966,’ which means that I am capable of winning absolutely any argument against any Welsh speaker, football-related or otherwise.’

‘The future is looking bright and relocation is nothing to fear. Tottenham Hotspur relocated at the start of the season and they have already picked up a Top Four Trophy – the Applied Pressure Shield is also in the bag.’