After a long and grim Winter for the United Kingdom, the next seven days are set to improve with temperatures of around 5000 degrees Celsius expected across the country. 

The predicted warm front has already been called the ‘Beast From The East 3,’ and although some winds are also expected, forecasters are predicting temperatures that are beyond the average Daily Express reader’s wildest dreams.

One source in the Met Office said, ‘This might be a good time to invest in some quality sunscreen – anything with a high proportion of lead or asbestos will do.’

’British people don’t usually react well to heat because of a lack of preparation, and it’s too easy to just spend a little too long outside and end up with sunburn or an extra bollock.’

’Unless you are one of the cast members of TOWIE, it is likely that you will need to apply some extra protection.’