After many hours of typing, editing, research, proofreading and multiple cups of tea, Southend News Network can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that your mum has finally finished posting a comment on your Facebook wall. Shortly after 9am this morning, she posted the comment, and she is now waiting patiently next to her ‘smartphone’ for you to reply – this is in spite of the fact that you are probably at work by now.

Our Chief Reporter caught up with your mum shortly after the Facebook post was published, and she said: ‘I just wanted to see how he has been getting on at work lately as he never answers his phone. I started typing a private message for him, but I only realised after twenty minutes that I was putting it on his wall and I couldn’t remember if that means that everyone else would see it. By this point, I had already put in too much hard work to delete it all and start again, and so I carried on regardless. Every time I added my daughter-in-law’s name to the post it tried to add some sort of tag, but I didn’t want to bother her as she is busy with the baby at home – every time I removed her name and put it back in it just tried to tag her again and I got into a real flap with it. In the end I just called her ‘her.’

Your mum continued: ‘I was all good to go with the post on my son’s Facebook wall, but all of a sudden I had a bit of a freak-out over the spelling of ‘receive’ and so I popped onto the Google to try and see if I was correct. I heard from someone that you can’t always trust the Google, and so I popped upstairs and had a look in my dictionary. I then remembered that I had put the kettle on before I went on Facebook, and then I realised that the plants in the kitchen needed watering and 40 minutes passed before I realised that my Facebook post was still waiting to be published.’

Your mum paused for a moment to answer the phone and have a lengthy conversation with an Indian-sounding man about how her computer has got a virus, and fortunately the Chief Reporter was able to step in while she was giving over her credit card number. She added: ‘I was finally ready to put the post on my son’s Facebook wall, but then I suddenly realised that I hadn’t asked him if that rash on his leg had got any better. He keeps telling me that it is nothing to worry about, but I checked on Wikipedia just in case and while I was on there I had to go and find my ‘smartphone’ charger because it’s not been plugged in since the weekend. I pressed ‘Post’ and I’m sure that he will read the message when he gets a minute to go on Facebook if it doesn’t flash up on his phone. Actually come to think of it, it may have been a text message instead – I’ll post it again in a few minutes just in case.’