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Arsenal fans have been describing their OUTRAGE to Southend News Network after it was announced that Arsène Wenger has signed a 90-year contract extension – this means that he could remain in place as Arsenal manager until May 2106. According to a source within the club, the new contract will ensure ‘complete financial stability’ for more than a generation to come, but a number of fans are unhappy about the timing of the announcement in the aftermath of their 3-2 defeat to Manchester United at Old Trafford.

The source, who doesn’t want to be named, said: ‘In our final years at Highbury, we were winning trophies but only making a limited amount of profit year-on-year. Our fans were crying out for the club to become financially stable with the occasional success thrown in for good measure, and the management strategy of Arsène Wenger has made that happen. True Arsenal supporters are proud to be paying some of the highest ticket prices in the world without having an awful lot to celebrate – they have told us that it gives them a huge sense of entitlement when it comes to engaging in arguments with fans of poorer and more successful teams like Chelsea and Manchester City.’

He added: ‘We have heard from a number of supporters’ groups that die-hard Arsenal fans are abandoning the club due to the way that it is run, but we are confident about the bigger picture. We have fantastic attendances every week, and with more and more tourists from the Far East arriving in London annually we know that The Gunners will be walking out in front of a full house before every single match. We have conducted a number of customer studies, and these show that most long-term supporters are suffering from a psychological condition that is known as ‘Arsène Blindness Syndrome’ – basically this means that they will never have the capacity to blame Arsène Wenger for any of the team’s failings. A desirable side effect of this condition is an ongoing and total satisfaction with the team signing nobody of mention in every transfer window, and this is making a massive difference to our annual balance sheet.’