Report Shows Fire Service Would Save £200m Per Year If They Just Whacked Norman


A report for the Welsh Fire Service has revealed that they would save around £200m per year if they just whacked Norman Price.

According to the latest statistics, the Pontypandy resident was responsible for 56% of all callouts across Wales in 2022.

A source said, ‘If that little ginger prick hasn’t got his head stuck in something, he’s up to something else that requires all of our specialist equipment.’

‘Therefore, we are now looking at proposals to just let him snuff it the next time he gets in a bit of a scrape.’

‘For example, we could go and rescue him and make a note on his record that he was abusive to our personnel. Maybe he will call Elvis a ‘greasy dog nonce.’

‘Alternatively, we could just wait for him to set his set his chip pan alight and switch his fire blanket for a load of polystyrene or something.’

An expert told us that this would have all been a lot easier if they hadn’t fucked around with him and gone all ‘CGI.’

He said, ‘Some of that 80’s plasticine was practically Semtex before all that EU safety cobblers kicked in.’

‘One bad move and bang! They would have been finding bits of him on Button Moon and in the Poddington Peas’ garden.’