Scientists entering a third day of debate at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland have confirmed that they are still struggling to find a link between the planet getting hotter and wildfires spreading like a tub of Lurpak that has been left out of the fridge for five days.
According to a source close to the discussions, it has been agreed that mass areas of vegetation being dried out to the point where it’s more flammable than going balsa wood rafting on a propane lake doesn’t mean that climate change has had a role to play in the wildfires.
Dave Siyuenti is a spokesperson for Do Your Own Research And Wake Up UK, and he told us that it was all down to arsonists.
He added, ‘Look I don’t see what’s so difficult to understand. Arsonists light the fires, then ‘something’ happens, and then they spread really quickly.’
’Predictably, people are blaming climate change because it’s all an evil agenda from scientists to keep The Earth habitable, the fucking snowflakes.’
’In my day we used to have all of our family holidays on The Sun. You never heard us complaining.’