World Shocked Beyond Belief After Bank Of England Raises Interest Rate


The population of the entire universe went into a massive state of shock today after the Bank of England raised the interest rate to 5.25%.

Across the United Kingdom and the rest of the world, gasps of complete astonishment could be heard at the news, with one person in Great Wakering even spontaneously combusting due to the enormously unexpected surprise of it all.

Homeowner Michelle Garridge said, ‘My mortgage was already unaffordable, but it makes perfect sense to make it even more unaffordable so that eventually it will become affordable again because economics.’

’After all, everyone knows you can just magic money out of fucking nowhere.’

’It’s inspired me in my job as a physiotherapist to take a different approach to my work. There’s a guy who only has one leg and he’s finding it really difficult to get back walking again, so I’m going to ask our surgeons to cut his remaining leg off and sew his eyelids shut. Job’s a good’un.’

A spokesperson for the Bank of England said, ‘Trust us bruh. Fourteenth time’s a charm.’