Boris Furious After Aircraft Is Accidentally Repainted With EU Flag Design

A source within 10 Downing Street has confirmed that the prime minister Boris Johnson is furious after an RAF Voyager aircraft was accidentally repainted in the design...

Parents Told To Warn Children About Dangerous New Drug Called ‘070d’

Parents across the UK have been told to warn their children about ‘070d,’ a dangerous new drug that has been reported across the country. According to reports,...

Scientists Discover World’s Smallest Violin After Katie Hopkins Suspended From Twitter

Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland have discovered microscopic particles in the form of what is believed to be the World’s smallest violin after Katie...

Odeon Announces £3.8bn Drop In Pick ‘n’ Mix Sales Due To Lockdown

A spokesperson for Odeon cinemas has announced a £3.8bn drop in UK-wide Pick 'n' Mix sales due to the Coronavirus pandemic. The vast sum is equivalent to roughly...

Counselling Launched For People With Liverpool Fan Friends Who Are About To Become F*cking...

The government has announced that £309m has been put aside to set up a counselling service for anyone with Liverpool-supporting friends who are going to become fucking...

Highways Agency To Rename U-Turns ‘Borising’ After PM Backtracks Yet Again

A spokesperson for the Highways Agency has confirmed that the term ‘U-Turn’ will soon change to ‘Borising’ in all versions of the Highway Code. According to reports,...

Scientists Discover You’re Immune To Covid-19 If You Wear Lonsdale

Scientists have discovered that you’re 100% immune to Covid-19 if you wear anything made by Lonsdale. Shortly after the announcement was made in a joint statement between...

30,000 Houses Washed Away After Man Knocks Over Sports Direct Mug Of Tea

More than 30,000 homes have been washed away in South Essex after a man from Southend knocked over a Sports Direct mug of tea. Shortly after 3pm today,...

135 Hurt In Stampede As Primark Reopens

135 people have been hurt in a stampede after a branch of Primark reopened in Essex. Shortly after 8am, emergency services were called to the retailer’s branch...

Miss Rabbit Making £50,000 A Month After Being Furloughed From Every Job

It has been revealed that Miss Rabbit is currently making £50,000 a month after being furloughed from every single job. According to friends, the Peppaland economy is...