It has emerged that more than 2000 potholes in Essex have been designated as ‘sites of historic interest’ to avoid repairs being carried out.

According to a leaked email from UNESCO, these areas of road damage in the country have now been added to the United Nations Register of World Heritage Sites, meaning that any attempts to repair them will be met with a hefty fine and a possible prison sentence.

A spokesperson for Essex County Council said, ‘To ensure that we remain compliant with UNESCO regulations, we have published a guide so that visitors to the county can locate each section of ‘heritage carriageway distress’ and learn a little bit more about the history of how they came to be.’

‘For example, one section on Bread and Cheese Hill in Benfleet was made twice as bad in 2017 when a cyclist hit it and his testicles were forced into his anus.’

‘In addition to this, one missing road section in Rettendon now has a family of rare koi living in it, and animal welfare regulations dictate that no further action can be taken until they leave of their own free will.’

‘We have calculated that this new policy will save the council around £300,000 per year in terms of road repairs, and we are also expecting a massive tourism boost.’

‘Bookings from the Far East are already up by 500% ahead of the Summer.’

‘We will continue using our colour-coding spray paint system on other potholes to designate a level of priority for their repair.’

‘As a rough guide, the highest priority for immediate repair will only apply when a Morrisons lorry is fully engulfed.’

In another development, the A132 between the A127 and Basildon Town Centre has been chosen as the venue for the 2019 Cross-Country Skiing Slalom Championships.