An amusement arcade in Southend On Sea has collapsed after an ‘obese child’ spent three minutes on a Dance Dance Revolution machine and the reverberations made the 120-year-old building collapse.

The emergency services were called to the Golden Carpet Amusement Centre shortly after 6pm on Thursday evening, and firefighters managed to rescue 11-year-old Harvey Matiere-Graisse from the rubble.

Witnesses said the accident happened because he approached Barbie Girl with a particularly high level of enthusiasm, and also that the neighbouring Nigel’s Nippy Chippy was evacuated as a precaution.

Chief Rescue Officer of the Essex Fire Brigade Horace Christie said: ‘We are reviewing the CCTV footage of the accident, and as far as we can tell the young man has had a lucky escape.’

‘The force with which he flew through the floor could have easily sent him through to China, and he has escaped with some minor bruising from the Tuppenny Nudger that emptied itself on top of him.’

‘I have witnessed a number of Southend locals using these dance machines before and to be honest it was only a matter of time until this sort of accident happened.’

‘We should be thankful that it wasn’t Witchdoctor or we could have been looking at a fatality.’

A member of the United States Geological Service confirmed that a linked tsunami alert in Hawaii has now been cancelled, although residents of the island of Sheppey have been warned to remain vigilant.

Nothing to do with the seismic activity, it’s just a bit shit over there apparently.