A spokesperson for Andrex has confirmed that plans to enter a partnership with The S*n newspaper have been DROPPED after the toilet paper manufacturer received a number of complaints from members of the public.

Back in April 2017, the company announced that surplus copies of each day’s print run would be collected and turned into ‘ethical toilet paper,’ but their director of corporate and social responsibility Giles Scrape has now said that these plans will be dropped because of a ‘fierce backlash.’

He said: ‘We have had thousands of tweets, emails and phone calls from people saying ‘I wouldn’t even wipe my arse on that rag.’

That could prove to be a problem for us because as a manufacturer of toilet roll, we need to be retailing products that members of the public are willing to insert between their buttocks.’

‘There have also been a number of technical difficulties in testing.’

‘We pulped down a batch of the papers a few weeks ago and sent some samples out for home trials.’

‘The feedback from the panel was that each sheet was leaving more shite up there than before the wipe was applied.’

‘34% of anuses also reported that they had developed a sudden dislike of vegetarians, Romanians and Jeremy Corbyn.’

‘To make matters worse, a sub-panel of males were given samples of the toilet tissue for ‘alone time’ and they found that it was impossible to maintain a state of arousal due to the overpowering sense of shame.’

According to members of the company’s research and development team, a similar trial will soon begin with Take A Break magazine instead, although a number of researchers have said that the glossy coating could lead to problems.’