There has been a great deal of anger in Southend On Sea after the local council installed ‘multicultural festive lights’ that depict a doner kebab roll that is commonly found in the window of a take away.
It has since emerged that Sydwaze Kebabs only agreed to fund the lights on London Road if they could advertise the shop.
Owner Haziz Sydwaze said: ‘We are delighted to have been able to support the community and provide lights this year.’
’What could be more festive than a large roll of Halal doner meat, sizzling away under the glow of the moonlight.’
’Happy holidays everyone!’
However, a number of residents have complained to the local council, with many saying that it is a continual erosion of the ‘Christmas idea’ in Britain.
Michelle Garridge said: ‘At first I thought that it was an elephant’s leg, but upon closer inspection I realised that it was in fact a doner meat roll.’
’It’s bad enough that the town centre has gone with a Mexican red and green theme this year, but these lights have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.’
’Actually that should be a horse’s back. Ah, bollocks.’
A local minister has appealed for calm by insisting that the Bible makes numerous references to doner kebabs.
Reverend Roger Rogers of East Canewdon First Methodist Church said, ‘If you look at any depiction of the last supper, it’s clear that five of the disciples are having a kofte at the very least.’
’Leviticus 6:34 clearly states: ‘Thou shalt dispose of the jalapeno, for it is unwelcome and serves no purpose other than to blow your nostril off when consumed by accident after thirteen Jagerbombs.’