MPs are currently demanding answers from Prime Minister Theresa May after it emerged that a Trident nuclear missile test in December 2016 ‘went off course,’ with the missile itself missing the sea-facing end of Southend Pier by just TEN FEET and landing in the Thames at low tide.

There have also been calls for an immediate enquiry about why a missile test was carried out so close to the wreckage of the SS Montgomery – the abandoned WW2 vessel that currently has enough live explosives to ‘redraw the map of Northern Europe.’

A statement was released this morning by Colin Scudlington, regional director of the Thames Estuary Nuclear Disarmament Foundation. 

He said: ‘This test was madness, and we are only finding out about it now – that makes it a thousand times worse.’

‘I was contacted by an 82 year old man who was walking his dog on the pier at the time of the test, and he said that a ‘fuzzy white object’ flew past his head at close range while making a high-pitched squealing noise.’

‘He even said that a white liquid fell from the object and landed on the pier decking in front of him – that could have been uranium or any other ingredient of a nuclear missile.’

‘A strong wind could have blown it off course towards Southend or the Isle of Sheppey, resulting in a significant loss of life. There must be other more sensible places to test a missile.’

A spokesperson for the Ministry of Defence has insisted that there are no Trident installations in the River Thames. 

A brief reply added: ‘The problem with using a nuclear submarine in the Thames Estuary is that they become exposed when the tide goes out.’

‘We are investigating the reports from Southend Pier and looking at CCTV footage in case any unauthorised weapons testing facilities have been set up without our knowledge.’

‘On the day in question, the only scheduled explosive activity in the area was taking place on Foulness Island, but we didn’t tell you that.’

‘Actually forget we said that. Nothing of that nature takes place on Foulness Island – this sentence is classified. Here’s a puppy.’