Antique experts from all over the world are currently organising travel to the United Kingdom after a 26-year-old man from Southend stumbled across ‘the find of the Century’ at a local boot sale. 

According to a source within auction house Sotheby’s, the ‘period beverage receptacle’ could be anything up to 1000 years old.

Passe-Composé Vandertramp is in charge of the Faculty of Artefacts at the University of West Horndon, and he excitedly told our Chief Reporter that the item is ‘literally and figuratively priceless.’

He added: ‘My team has now concluded that the beverage receptacle is from the era of the Lonsdaleans.’

‘This ancient race roamed the lands that became known as Essex thousands of years ago.’

‘Murals uncovered on excavation sites depict the liquid containers being handed out to tribesmen and women who were prepared to part with a small gold coin.’

‘It would often be handed over as an after thought after kitting out an 18-month-old baby in something referred to as ‘Kappa’ – we are still investigating this word.’

‘The guardians of the beverage receptacles wore a primitive outfit believed to be a form of sportswear.’

‘Some bearers even wore these outfits ironically.’

We asked Mr Vandertramp if he would be prepared to put a value on the piece.

He said: ‘Fortunately the finder will not be taking it on the Antiques Roadshow – they would probably have a coronary.’

‘It is the only piece of its kind in existence, so I imagine that it could fetch many, many millions if the right buyer is found, such as someone who has ingested an incredible amount of crack.’