The popular retailer Argos has launched a vegan barbecue that is exactly the same as a normal barbecue except with the addition of a 5000dB loudspeaker that screams the word ‘vegan’ over and over again to ensure that the entire neighbourhood realises that you only consume plant-based foods.

A spokesperson said, ‘We listened extensively to customer feedback and realised that above all else, vegans want to make sure that everyone in the same postcode is aware of their conscientious decision to be veganised.’

‘This barbecue is identical to our regular barbecue in every way, but when you press the green button it belts out the word ‘vegan’ at a volume that makes Heathrow’s third runway seem like a six-year-old with their new recorder.’

‘Press it again, and it starts playing ‘Conga, Conga, Conga’ with the word ‘Conga’ replaced with ‘vegan.’

‘A £14.99 deluxe model also uses lasers to project the word ‘vegan’ onto the nearest wall.’

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