An Audi driver from Essex has confirmed that he fully intends to use every single last fucking yard before the lane closes.

Barry Cunthorpe from Basildon told us that at this point the adjacent vehicle would pretty much have to let him in, lest he goes careering into a big pile of roadworks stuff.

He added, ‘Pulling over in good time is a mug’s game.’

‘I’ll stick my hazards on anyway just so everyone knows my intentions.’

However, in a late development, hilarity ensued on the A127 earlier this afternoon when Mr Cunthorpe was left stranded for three hours because every other motorist was sick of his shit.