A baby from Hockley in Essex is eagerly waiting for you to struggle and contort yourself to put her socks on so she can wait five seconds and then pull the bastards off again.
Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to Southend News Network this morning, Arianna Bubbington, who is 11 months old, said that ‘timing’ is the most important thing.
She added: ‘It’s basically a fine art form.’
‘All I have to do is detect when Daddy is in a hurry to get me in the car, and then it’s just a matter of constantly rolling over and trying to bugger off across the lounge on all fours while he gets pissed off and starts swearing.’
‘Apparently if I repeat half of what he says at nursery they will have to call Social Services in.’
‘Once he does manage to get my feet completely socked, usually with the heel markings half-way between my toes and my ankles, upside-down, all I then have to do is wait five seconds and then pull them off.’
‘Normally I’ll rub it in by pulling both off at the same time and waving them around in the air while giggling.’
In a separate development, it has been announced that an international summit has been arranged between leading baby wipe manufacturers to try and overcome the problem of seven baby wipes coming out of the sodding packet one after the other when you only want one.
A representative from Johnson and Johnson and Johnson said: ‘It has now become clear that consumers would rather have them come out one at a time instead of some sort of moist clown handkerchief trick.’
The news will be welcomed by dads all of the United Kingdom, especially considering the terrible news that a 34-year-old dad from London self-referred himself to a mental health institution last weekend after spending four hours trying to put a Graco car seat into the back of a Ford Focus, only to find that it was still ‘a bit wobbly.’