A spokesperson for the BBC has apologised for not covering the NHS march in London today as they believed that the mass gathering of hundreds of thousands of people screaming wildly was actually the queue for Prêt à Manger.

Speaking to Southend News Network, the BBC’s Chief News Editor Michael Aveugle-Magoo said: ‘To be fair, we had a quick look out the window and noticed an absolutely massive gathering of people, but we assumed that Prêt à Manger were knocking 10% off the paninis again.’

‘That usually gets a heap of people pounding the streets.’

We asked Mr Aveugle-Magoo if the fact that hundreds of thousands of people were calling Jeremy Hunt a ‘useless cunt’ in unison was perhaps a giveaway.

He said: ‘We did hear that word a lot, but we just assumed that there were a load of cyclists on the roads or something.’

Our interview was cut short at this point after a phone call was received from Nigel Farage asking if he could go on the 10 O’clock News to speak about the weather or something.

We asked the Department of Health for a comment about the rumour that all of the UK’s hospitals are due to merge into one giant mega hospital operated by Virgin, Carillion and Woolworths close to the Milton Keynes junction of the M1.

A reply by email said: ‘Plans for this super merger are currently at the consultation stage, and no definite decisions have been taken.’

‘Well none that we are allowed to mention anyway.’