A spokesperson for 10 Downing Street has confirmed that the foreign secretary Boris Johnson will fight Ivan Drago over 15 rounds to settle the ongoing dispute between the United Kingdom and Russia.
According to sources within the British government, Johnson ‘jumped at the opportunity’ as he is keen to seek revenge for Drago’s last bout that left the Chancellor Of The Exchequer Phillip Hammond in an austerity-induced coma.
The fight will take place in Russia in four weeks’ time, and it is believed that Johnson has already locked himself away from the rest of the world at a Siberian training camp with his trainer Michael Gove.
A foreign office junior minister remarked that he would ‘probably be more useful over there anyway.’
’Some of the montages so far have been extraordinary.’
He added, ‘It only cost Drago £130,000 to get the fight setup – technically it is a donation of course.’
Gove said, ‘We tried to stick a spy in the Drago camp but they have all been deported already.’
’However, one double agent has told us that they have been injecting him with anabolic steroids, and we have already tried that with Boris but he just started babbling incoherently.’
’We never even got past the cotton swab stage.’
In a press conference, Drago pointed out, ‘If he lies, he lies.’
‘Nyet. Just kidding. I’m going to waste him the floppy haired weasel.’
Johnson – Drago will be shown live on Sky Box Office at a price that is still to be agreed under terms and conditions that are currently unclear.