Devastating flooding has been reported in Southend On Sea this evening.

Witnesses contacted police initially to report a steady stream of vape shops into the town, and after a few minutes this developed further into a torrent of puffy puffy wanky wanky emporiums.

However, as the deluge continued, police confirmed at 8pm that the town had been officially flooded with these retailers.

One witnessed said, ‘It started out as a light, pleasant smell of cherries.’

‘However, as the evening progressed and I moved further and further towards the seafront, my nostrils were assaulted with an onslaught of mango, Castrol GTX, pineapple, cheese and onion, and piccalilli.’

A spokesperson for the town’s largest vapery Tracheotomy Calling said, ‘Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff! Behold my haze.’

‘I said fucking well BEHOLD IT. Scum!’