A UK government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to Southend On Sea in Essex has been issued.

He said, ‘We are now advising against all non-essential travel to the Southend On Sea area.’

‘Nothing to do with Coronavirus. It’s just a complete shithole.’

‘Also, if anyone has travelled to the area within the last two weeks, we are advising them to check that all their debit cards are still where nature intended.’

‘I was there last week. ‘Kin ell. Never seen so many Staffie Terriers called ‘Tyson’ in all my life.’

A source within the World Health Organisation said that the advice doesn’t need to be applied to Thorpe Bay because they have a far better class of virus there, but that it would apply to all parts of Shoeburyness where the residents tell everyone they live in Thorpe Bay in order to sound posh.