A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace has confirmed that Prince Philip was just having a nap.
He said, ‘There have been some rumours circulating that the Duke of Edinburgh had passed away – these are simply not true.’
‘A royal aide walked into the main lounge just after 9.30 this morning, and he noticed that His Royal Highness wasn’t moving while Jeremy Kyle was on.’
‘He moved closer to assess the situation, and while he was tickling him behind the ears he just let out a huge snort and screamed ‘panties.’
‘The beach volleyball on Eurosport went to extra time last night, so he was just catching up.’
A close friend of the Prince said, ‘Why the hell would he pop his clogs now of all times?’
‘It’s a golden age. Casual, throwaway racism has been flying like never before.’