A spokesperson for the Ministry of Defence has confirmed that armed troops have been deployed to help maintain law and order after WiFi failed across the whole of the United Kingdom. 

Residents and business owners have been advised to listen for emergency announcements from their local authority, with emergency Ethernet cables currently being rationed at a rate of one per household.

Sally Smegmo, a mother of three from Southend, said, ‘When Facebook wouldn’t update, I immediately checked with my neighbours to see if their WiFi had gone down as well.’

’The whole thing is a shambles. When electricity supplies are low they can import it from France, so why the hell can’t they import some WiFi and get everyone back online.’

We asked Ms Smegmo what web browser she uses.

She said, ‘I don’t know I just go on Google.’

Helicopters have been desperately trying to Airdrop WiFi into parts of the South-East all day today, but Android, Blackberry and Microsoft users have complained that it isn’t compatible.

People have been making comparisons between this situation and the Great Hot Water Strike Of 1984.

At that time, millions of Brits were only able to access cold water due to a bitter industrial dispute.