A spokesperson for the English Literature Guild has confirmed that William Shakespeare is still dead today, and countless personalities from the world of politics, sport and entertainment have been leaving tributes on Facebook and Twitter. The popular and respected writer of such movie classics as Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet reportedly didn’t show up for any of the special Shakespeare celebrations that have been taking place all over the world this weekend, and the sad news was publically confirmed a few hours later. 

GCSE student Zachary Philestine from South London said: ‘I am devastated that Will is still dead – I couldn’t believe what I was hearing then they announced it. My English exams have been well hard to revise for and I wanted to punch him right in the face for writing A Midsummer Night’s Dream, but now I will just have to study instead. That’s the problem when all these famous people keep dying before we have a chance to take a pop at them for stuff that we don’t like.’

In a late development, it has emerged that the estate of William Shakespeare has entered into legal proceedings against the writers of the latest Jurassic Park movie after a literary analyst discovered ‘worrying similarities’ between the script for the newest dinosaur blockbuster and Shakespeare’s lesser-known piece ‘Thou Shalt Not Animatronicate Thy Fossils’ – there is even a hand-drawn sketch from The Bard himself that appears to be Jeff Goldblum. All DVDs of the movie have been withdrawn while the case is in progress. 


  1. Is this a spoof which I see before me,
    The screen toward my face? Come, let me read thee.
    I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
    Art thou not, fatal vision, humorous.