A Brexit advent calendar has gone on sale with precisely fuck all behind each door.
The £3.50 festive product has a variety of accurate pictorial predictions on every door from 1 to 24, but almost all windows end up entirely blank, and after number 21 they don’t even open at all.
It is rumoured that on the 24th December, purchasers will be treated to a postage stamp-sized image of a war cemetery with the words ‘paid in full’ emblazoned over the top.
The calendar has been commissioned by Jacob-Rees Mogg on a 50-year contract, after which point there may be chocolate in there again.
Brexiteer Dave England said, ‘I’ve started mine already, and it brought a tear to me eye.’
‘Mainly because I scratched my cornea trying to get Number 1 open.’