In a shock announcement this evening, it has been confirmed that Brexit will not be able to go ahead as planned on 31st January 2020 due to an ‘invalid EU President’s signature’ on Brussels’ copy of the Withdrawal Agreement.

According to sources within the British government, the section for the President of The European Commission to sign should read ‘Ursula von der Leyen,’ but after looking at the paperwork it has emerged that this section of the document actually just has a crudely drawn cock and balls with the face of arch Brexiteer Nigel Farage drawn onto the frenulum area.

Under EU law, a proposed treaty cannot be presented twice within the same twelve month period, meaning that there could be a lengthy delay to the process.

One source in Downing Street said, ‘The Prime Minister is aware of the current situation, but every time he tries calling Brussels someone just answers the phone and pretends that it is a Chinese takeaway.’

‘No idea why anyone in Brussels would want to pull such a nasty trick. As a nation we’ve been nothing but courteous to the European Union since the 2016 referendum result.’