A spokesperson for the Department For Exiting The European Union has confirmed that the Brexit Dividend for every UK citizen will be three Shillings, a tin of Spam and polio. 

He added, ‘Shortly after 11pm on March 31st 2019, a dedicated website will open where members of the public will be able to apply for their dividend.’

’The presumed-eradicated illness will be sent via an infectious teaspoon, along with a specially commissioned three-shilling note featuring the face of Jacob Rees-Mogg that will be accepted in all branches of Woolworths.’

We asked whether or not the tin of Spam would be subject to any delays owing to the fact that it would be coming from the United States and there is currently no trade deal in place.

’He said, ‘To be fair, you could buy a lot of Spam with your three Shillings.’