Sources have confirmed that the United Kingdom is heading for a no-deal Brexit after a game of Monopoly between leading negotiators ended in acrimony in Brussels.
Jerome Robsonne is a senior negotiator for the EU, and took part with the top hat, while the old boot was used by Brexit Secretary David Davis.
Mr Robsonne said, ‘Before we even started, there was a major disagreement over what should happen when landing on Free Parking.’
’While I felt that the occupant of this space should collect all of the accumulated fines up to that point in order to subsidise theolent when you get a Chance card demanding that you pay for repairs on any of your houses, hotels and historic buildings, Mr Davis was having none of it.’
’He then got very agitated when he was instructed to not pass go and to not collect £200, because he insisted that he was entitled to both pass go and to also collect £200.’
’Jean Claude-Juncker was the ship, and when he won second prize in a beauty contest Davis quipped that he would have taken top spot.’
’He then hit back to say that Davis would probably end up behind a German Shepherd with a shaved arsehole.’
’The whole game ended in a heated exchange when Davis landed on Barnier-controlled Mayfair with a hotel and he was down to his last £70.’
’He demanded a renegotiation of his tenancy terms, to which Barnier replied, ‘That ship has sailed, boyo.’
In other news, the Shadow Cabinet is in turmoil today after Sajid Javid’s counterpart Diane Abbott challenged the Home Secretary to a ‘winner takes all’ game of Connect One.
Abbott was defeated 3-0 in a best-of-five match.