A source within Nigel Farage’s new Brexit Party has confirmed plans to save ‘millions of pounds’ per year by replacing all NHS interpreters with nurses who speak English loudly and slowly.
It is thought that the groundbreaking new policy was inspired by the millions of British people who travel abroad every year and ask for a beer by raising their right fist in the air and mimicking the movement of someone pulling a pint, even though from some angles it looks like they are stimulating an elephant.
The first media outlet to leak the information was Brexit TV Listings earlier today.
They said, ‘Interpreters are becoming an unnecessary expense, when we all know full well that anyone can understand English if it spoken slowly and loudly enough.’
‘This would be just one small part of our overall health policy if the Brexit Party comes into government in the United Kingdom, including our revolutionary approach of only recruiting ‘good brown’ nurses from abroad – you know from that bit near China with all the ping-pong ladies and what not.’
In a press conference on Sunday, leader Nigel Farage was asked why his party hadn’t produced an official manifesto ahead of the European Elections.
He said, ‘It’s simple really. How can you lie through your back teeth if you haven’t made any promises in the first place?’
‘Britain is fed up with being run by unelected bureaucrats. See all those hundreds of people in the European Parliament – they all just appeared there one day as if by magic. Not a single election involved whatsoever.’
‘No deal’ must remain on the table, and once we pull the United Kingdom out of the European Union we will rebrand ourselves and fight in the upcoming WTO elections instead because democracy.’