A spokesperson for the UK government has confirmed that Brexit has been suspended while ministers deal with this Russia thing.
Speaking to reporters outside 10 Downing Street a few minutes ago, they said that this Russia thing might be a bit complicated, meaning that they should probably put the Brexit thing on the old back burner for a decade or two.
They added, ‘Leave voters shouldn’t feel disappointed by this. Mrs May has written ‘Leave The EU’ on a Post-It Note and stuck it to the fridge in her kitchen so she doesn’t forget about Brexit while we sort out this Russian thing.’
‘However, after a meeting of COBRA, it was decided that if we concentrate on Brexit too much at the moment we might make a mistake because we are distracted by what the Russians have done.’
‘For example, David Davis might accidentally tell Christian Barnier that the European Court of Human Rights can have full jurisdiction over the United Kingdom throughout the period of transition because his brain is distracted by Russians and Putin and nerve agents and stuff.’
‘Leave voters will realise that this is the best move in the long run. They can still have Brexit, just not now as we’re a bit busy OK?’
‘We have also delayed the introduction of blue passports, put off the whole ‘Free School Meals’ thing, increased MP pay by 20%, redrawn constituency lines, reopened The Chilcot Enquiry and privatised a bit of the NHS because politics.’
‘Our allies in the EU have already spoken out on our behalf and made it perfectly clear that they all support us in our quest anyway, which is just lovely.’
A spokesperson for The Kremlin said that this move was ‘outrageous.’
They added, ‘That’s right it’s totes our fault. You see Vlad said to me last week he said, ‘You know what we should do mate? We should poison an ex-Russian agent on foreign soil in broad daylight using a chemical compound that can be traced back to Russia.’
‘He told me he got the idea from a programme on the Discovery Channel called America’s Dumbest Secret Agents.’