Brexiteers all over the United Kingdom have reacted furiously after MPs in the House of Commons exercised their own sovereignty and voted for an amendment to the EU Withdrawal Bill that will give them a final say on the Brexit deal terms that are eventually negotiated with Brussels.
Many posted outraged messages on Facebook and Twitter to express their disgust at their own elected representatives using legislative powers that they never actually surrendered to Brussels in the first place.
Poster Nigel Fuch-Weet said: ‘I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO ANGRY AT THESE TRAITORS IN ALL MY LIFE AND IT IS AN OUTRAGEOUS DISGRACE.’
‘I VOTED LEAVE IN THE REFERENDUM SO THIS COUNTRY COULD TAKE ITS OWN COUNTRY BACK AND VOTE OVER ITS OWN LAWS, WELL ALL LAWS EXCEPT THIS ONE ANYWAY.’
‘JACOB REES MOGG WOULD NEVER LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS WHEN HE BECOMES PRESIDENT.’
‘CORBYN JUST STOOD BACK AND LET IT ALL HAPPEN. FIRST HE MEETS GERRY ADAMS, AND NOW THIS.’
‘WHEN I TOLD ALL MY FRIENDS TO VOTE LEAVE, I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT THIS SOVEREIGNTY – I MEANT THE OTHER ONE WHERE WE ALL START MEASURING REAL ALE IN DECIBELS AGAIN LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.’
iPhone update includes ‘Brexiteer Mode’ that enables caps lock and disables spellcheck
A spokesperson for Apple has confirmed that the next version of their iOS software for iPhones will have a ‘Brexiteer Mode’ where the Caps Lock is activated and the spellcheck is switched off.
According to VP of Consumer Engagement and Patriotism Steve Vidiwudakowski, the feature will allow Leave voters to communicate on social media in their native tongue without the inconvenience of correct grammar.
He added: ‘We conducted extensive research on Facebook, and noticed that 68% of all messages advocating a Leave vote were in capital letters with a variety of spelling forms.’
’After numerous focus groups, it became clear that many wanted to spell ‘sovereignty’ with a ‘w,’ and this new feature will increase levels of freedom of speech by roughly 350% according to our forecast.’
’The calculator app will also automatically detect when you are trying to work out the Brexit divorce bill and replace the screen with a photo of a war cemetery somewhere.’
Our tech correspondent managed to get a preview handset from Apple.
He said: ‘Siri now three new options to choose from – Farage, Johnson and Rees-Mogg.’
’I chose the latter and asked for directions to the nearest food bank, and it just gave me a rambling speech about the whole thing being incredibly uplifting before suggesting that I send my children to a local workhouse.’
’It was very difficult to turn it off after that. I downloaded a picture of my wife showing a bit of ankle and I could hear it tutting in the background.’
’I wear an Apple Watch as well, and whenever I asked ‘what is the time’ it just said ‘1924.’