The East End enforcer Brick Top has confirmed that he intends to run for the leadership of the Conservative Party after Theresa May announced that she would be stepping down on 7th June.
If successful, Mr Top would by default become the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
We asked him if his no-nonsense approach made him the ideal candidate to fix Brexit and get the rest of the party into shape.
He said, ‘Pull your tongue out of my arse.’
‘I want to find the silly sods who have blagged Brexit first. Find them, and find them today.’
‘I’ll feed them to the fucking pigs.’
‘Speaking of fucking pigs. Who caused this shitstorm? Mohammed, I’m ‘ard, Bruce Lee?’
‘He’s a useless shite that Boris. Punish ‘im Errol.’