A spokesperson for the BBC has confirmed that Tom Hardy has recorded a number of nude Bedtime Stories that will be exclusively broadcast on pay-per-view for £9.99 each.
The decision was taken after last night’s regular appearance by Hardy attracted more than 1000 complaints to Ofcom because he didn’t take his shirt off and do the Muscleman pec dance from Opportunity Knocks.
Each extended 30-minute special involves a popular kids classic book with an adult twist, with Hardy pausing from time to time to carry on yoga moves and whatever else makes these mums wet as an otter’s pocket.
The BBC said, ‘We kick things off in March with The Tiger Who Came, and then in April Tom will be covering The Very Hung Caterpillar.’
‘He has some real adventures before getting in that cocoon, let me tell you. He’s not just interested in eating the contents of the fridge.’
‘In May, we will be treated to Hairy Maclary Prods His Own Fairy, and then in June Tom will be tackling The Guffalo.’
‘We’ll be perfectly honest – that one may only appeal to a more discerning, specialised audience.’
‘The series will come to an end in July with Diaries Of A Gimpy Kid.’
‘Even if you don’t fancy any of these special events, we have a number of special guests lined up for the regular show.’
‘Jason Momoa is coming on soon, and he’s not even going to read anything. He’s just going to stare into the camera like he is half-asleep and pout.’