The Champions League finalists have somehow lost to a League 2 club based in a stadium made out of Lego on some industrial park up the A12. 

Tottenham ‘We’re Not A One Man Team’ Hotspur failed to find the net in 90 minutes playing in front of thousands of people with eleven fingers on each foot.

We asked a football expert for their view on the match.

Dr Irving Smith is a professor of sport at the University of East Anglia, and he said, ‘Spurs are in the Premier League, and Colchester are in League 2.’

’Therefore, we can conclude that Tottenham Hotspur would be better at footballing because they are a full three divisions higher and put out a team that cost upwards of £100m.’

’Oh. They didn’t win? What a fucking shambles that is.’

’I await the DVD of ‘We Nearly Beat A Team Of Tractor Molesters’ with bated breath.’