It has been announced that Club Tropicana drinks will rise to £6.50 in the event of a No Deal Brexit.
According to a report from the West Hampstead Academy of Mathematics, offering alcoholic beverages for free will no longer be economically viable, even on WHO terms.
Professor Andrew Ridgeley of the academy said, ‘Our studies make pretty grim reading.’
‘Alongside this latest bombshell, we also predict that waking up will now need to be a full three hours before you go go to take increased customs queues into consideration.’
‘Last Christmas will become the penultimate Hanukkah, and whispers will become absolutely reckless.’
‘If only people had known what they were really voting for.’